You see, we really do care about you.  You’re our brothers and sisters, and while we may fight sometimes, we’re all Americans and we’re all in this together.  And frankly, some of us over here are starting to get a little worried about you.

As a, uh – well, “liberal” isn’t the first term I’d use to describe myself, but from your perspective that’s probably the easiest label to apply – as a liberal who has spent many years sparring with you and your friends in the marketplace of ideas, I must admit no small amount of pleasure at seeing your team lose a little ground in the last year or two.  It’s nothing personal, I just don’t agree with some of your intentions.  But that hardly means I want to see you go away.

This includes all the sudden and alarming calls for secession and revolution, which really need to stop before some dangerous idiot starts to take the rhetoric to heart.  You do not get to overthrow the republic after 230 years just because you lost a couple of elections, and America must never again go to war against itself.  The terrible stain on our history known to some as the Civil War and others as the War of Northern Aggression was a savage and brutal testament to what happens when our political debates lead to dehumanization and denial of our essential brotherhood.

But it’s not just about that.  The one paranoid talking point that might actually have some basis in reality is the risk of America drifting towards “one party rule.”  In fairness, I don’t mean the kind of one party rule that Karl Rove masterminded from 2001-2007; the kind that bed-wetters like Glenn Beck weep and blubber about when they imagine the Obama administration could or would attempt to replicate such lock-step control.

I mean the very real eventuality of the GOP going the way of the Whig.

Now, I understand the difference between the establishment conservatism of the Republican Party and the movement conservatism of the self-proclaimed independents who vote largely Republican with the occasional political statement of a vote for a Libertarian, Reform or Constitution Party candidate, or some other “third” party I’ve never heard of, or perhaps even a few quiet Democratic votes.

Believe me, I really do understand.  I am not a fan of the de facto two-party system in this country.  I suppose I generally view the Democratic Party as the “lesser of two evils,” but I’ve long been a supporter of the Libertarian Party – not because I agree with their platform any more than I do the Democratic one, but because I believe they represent a healthy counterbalance to the current elephant-and-donkey-show.

I would like to see the two parties split up into more recognizable and targeted coalitions, 5 or 6 total would probably be ideal… but that’s another discussion.  Within our current system, we need 2 parties to be healthy.  It’s either going to be the GOP, or perhaps the Libertarians… maybe the Greens.

I’ve already stipulated you can call me a liberal for sake of argument, so I’ll stipulate as well that you can say I’m a Democrat – I’ll trust you can understand why, for now, I’m assuming for sake of argument you’re a Republican.

The most recent Post/ABC poll has 21% of Americans identifying as Republicans, the lowest in that poll since 1983.  It’s no secret the party is shrinking, and so far the time in the wilderness has not been well spent.  Michael Steele has been a disaster as chairman of the RNC, and every attempt at a comeback has been a gimmick with no real substance.  The party leaders don’t understand the difference between soul-searching and rebranding, or grassroots and astroturf.

Newt Gingrich is on Twitter.  Need I say more?  I don’t think creating a video game called Todd Palin’s Extreme Snowmachine 2012 is the solution to finding the youth vote.

Arlen Specter’s recent defection to the Democratic Party, and Olympia Snowe’s response, should highlight the basic problem within the GOP.  I’m not just trying to rub your face in it, but this is going to continue if things don’t drastically change. Snowe and Collins have insisted they are staying in the Republican party, but only time will tell how that plays out.  The GOP is poised to lose even more seats in Congress in 2010 as McConnell and Boehner’s obstructionist act backfires on them.

The fact that conservatives didn’t speak out en masse against Rush Limbaugh for his treatment of Colin Powell (following his endorsement of Barack Obama for president) should shame anyone who calls themselves a conservative or is a fan of Limbaugh.  Christian conservatives speaking out against healing the sick and making excuses for torture in the name of party loyalty is nothing short of disgusting.  The answer to regaining political relevance is not to become more ideologically pure, to step up the anti-liberal rhetoric and rally the base, all while throwing any critics and dissenters under the bus.  This sort of thing only turns off moderates, and marginalizes your agenda.

Right now, my friend, we need to concentrate on you.  Did you get that beer I suggested earlier?  You really need to relax.

As someone who agrees with Justice David Souter that Bush v. Gore was an absolute travesty of justice and a failure of democracy, the years 2001 through 2009 were pretty rough for me.  I know how you feel right now.  It’s hard being in the minority, but I can share a few things with you that I have learned:

Patience is a virtue.
The world of politics moves at a snail’s pace.  You still have 18 months until the next mid-term election, and 3 and a half years until the next presidential election.  You should pace yourself a bit, and relax… you’ll have your chances at the polls again.

History is your ally, and education is key.
If you don’t know your facts, we aren’t going to take you seriously.  When you fall back on teabag gimmicks and calling people a “socialist” without really understanding what it means, you do your cause a great disservice.  They called FDR a socialist, well before he got elected… I hope you already know this, but he got elected 4 times.

Turn off your TV.
Edward R. Murrow said it best:

“This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box. There is a great and perhaps decisive battle to be fought against ignorance, intolerance and indifference. This weapon of television could be useful.”

Murrow could just as easily have been talking about the Internet… both offer access to volumes of information unprecedented in human history – they also offer a lot of stupid, pointless crap and factually incorrect nonsense.  Consider the fact that television media is the single greatest financial benefactor of political campaigns.  Choose your media intake wisely.  Read more books.

The wilderness is for soul-searching.
Now is the time for an agonizing reappraisal, a reevaluation, and a reassessment of your values and priorities.  Don’t be so concerned with towing the party line.  Distance yourself from the bigoted and the corrupted.   Spend time finding the root of your beliefs – why are you for or against something?  For example, if you are against abortion, I’d be willing to say you believe in the sanctity of life and believe all children should be loved.  Focus on those values, not the hot-button issue.

Perhaps most importantly…

Moderate, moderate, moderate.
Decide what you are willing to compromise on – recognizing that fact that compromise is the best you are going to get, for at least the next 4 years.  Probably the next 8.  With your goals and values clearly in mind, decide how to approach the situation with a clear understanding that you are in a minority that must convince the majority you have ideas worth listening to.  You will accomplish a lot more by working to create programs that reduce unwanted pregnancy and teach responsible family planning than you will worrying about Roe v. Wade over the next several years.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, but if nothing else I hope I have expressed that we need an open dialogue in the coming years.  If you draw inward and move further to the right, you will do everyone a great disservice – not least of which, yourself.

I hope it has been clear that I say these things in earnest while extending a hand in good faith.  I will by no means stop fighting for my cause, and I expect no less of you – but I pray we can fight as sparring brothers, not warring enemies.

“We’re going to wander around there for a little while before coming back stronger than ever,” Ayres continues.

For my part, I’m not so sure about that “stronger than ever” bit.  Apparently, neither is anyone else.  A reader poll attached to the article concludes that 55% believe the Republicans will lose more Senate seats in the 2010 election, with 38% believing they will gain seats and 7% predicting no change.

In the wake of a damning failure on the part of the new RNC Chairman Michael Steele to apply the party’s principles to “urban-suburban hip-hop settings” with an “off the hook” public relations campaign, several have moved to become the face of the Republican party.  Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal’s response to President Obama’s joint address to Congress was widely panned as reminiscent of 30 Rock’s Kenneth the Page, and despite their best efforts John Boehner and Eric Cantor have not succeeded in positioning themselves as anything besides obstructionists in the public eye.

Filling the abysmal leadership void, radio host Rush Limbaugh has been elevated by many on both the right and the left as the de facto head of the conservative movement, if not the Republican party.  Michael Steele is just the latest in a string of Republican party members who have rapidly issued public apologies and retractions after make statements critical of Limbaugh.  Democratic strategists have seized the opportunity to call out Mr. Limbaugh publicly, drawing public attention to repeated statements that he hopes President Obama will fail and painting Rush as the party’s intellectual leader.

Cue Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House who was removed from power 15 years ago in the wake of a widely unpopular attempt to remove President Clinton from office.  Not having served in public office for over a decade hasn’t stopped Gingrich from trying to position himself as the intellectual head of the party, and speculating about a run for the presidency in 2012.  Gingrich’s Republican Revolution and Contract with America are seen by some as the framework on which to build an opposition to Obama.  It remains to be seen if the same ideas and strategies used by the face of the Republican opposition in the 1990’s will gain any traction in 2010 or 2012, but early indicators are not good.

While both parties in Congress have seen substantial improvements in their approval numbers since late February, the Republicans in the House and Senate find themselves opposing a president whose numbers continue to rise.  Newsweek’s latest poll shows Obama’s approval rating at 72%, while 58% of all respondents say they do not have the “impression that Republicans who have opposed Barack Obama’s economic proposals have a plan of their own for turning the economy around”, with even 42% of the Republican respondents saying the opposition has no plan of its own.

As the GOP fights to regain intellectual legitimacy and groom a strong 2012 contender, Sarah Palin is rearing her head and coming into the air space over the lower 48, attracting what remains of the GOP’s base.

I hope these guys brought knapsacks, because it looks like they’re going to be wandering the wilderness for a long, long time to come.